It's a long way forward, so trust in me

It is kind of warm to have your birthday at the end of the year. It feels like everyone is celebrating it. The end of the year, the eve of new year, christmas festivals, shopping sales. It's like the Friday night of the year. And fun fact, this year my birthday falls on Friyay.

I've been in long hiatus since 2017, which so far was the most fun and happening year so far. I made it to Japan - my 2007 bucket list. I worked with Petronas Methanol and wearing Petronas coverall I'm proud! I became one of the high council position, a freelance graphic designer, I started to do online business haha, I sold iphones to buy an iphone! I also sell things with my friends to get some money for Singapore trip. I've made some VERY good new friends that are so click. I've made a video team - I never made that level of video before. Honestly I've never met any of these good friends as such those I knew in 2017. If you think I know you on 2017, then you're one of them. I'm glad to know each of you. Thank you!

And then time goes by. 2018 went differently. I am more loose with many people. I lost 5kg just in this year. 2018 has been a wild ride. The year I faced many kinds of fear. I learned how to fake happiness, I learned that I'm not that cold, I have the warm sides that some people could unlock, I learned to be nicer, I understand how prayers answered, I damaged a car which then leads me to fail a test yes that's a complete package, I learned to accept people, I learned that some people might care to listen but if they're not in the same shoe, it's better to keep it to yourself, I learned some people actually cares, I opened up, I lose people, I tried to spend time for people that rather spend time with the others, so I decided to go alone, I took midnight bus alone, I graduated, I had my first hari raya far away from home without any celebration, my closest brother get married, I left my 4 years UTM, I thought I would never came back to JB, I took a midnight flight to Miri alone - the place I never been, I wished to work in Sabah / KL but the life has it's own way - I just missed all the offers with slight mistake, and in KL not any of my application went through, I wished to work in Singapore but I prayed for the best and my life brings me where I am now, I learned to live alone, I cook for myself, do the house chores and actually feels like a mom everyday, I got my first job as an engineer - I didn't thought I could be an engineer, I learned that I actually am a multi-talent, I learned that I could deal damage over time, I learned to be a decent listener, I learned that I'm actually a scary loyal person, I learned that the people who says I'm weak are the one who is weak, and the people who believes in me, and those who says I'm a go getter, are the kind of person I need, and after all I'll be just fine.

I once had the fear to get left out, letting people go, when I was a kid I had nightmares to survive in places alone, yet now I'm living them and being just fine.

I learned that I'm actually a wise, kind, independent, and intelligent young woman. If you're with me, you'll never afraid of failure. I'll help you in any kinds of dreams you have, for everything are worth it.

I understand how prayers answered. Before I fell in love, I'll pray. When I'm confused, I pray. When I get what I want, I pray. Allah will help in everything you do. No matter what you choose next, your life will merge to it's own way. Don't worry and enjoy the ride.

Not to remember the times I actually had some happy times. But the mental breaking is actually dominating them, but I won the fight!

"It's a long way forward, so trust in me. I'll give you shelter like you've done for me."