Appreciation Post to Myself

Alhamdulillah. I'm ready for the beginning of something big, life.

It's been a long time since I didn't make an appreciation of myself. So this post is particular to congratulate myself for my own achievement. This post might be bias to me.

I still remember when I was a kid kindergarten to pre primary, I used to be that lazy smartass kid. When it's time for my parents to get my examination record, my teacher told my mom that I play during class, always fly, and still get a 98% in my exam. How she doesn't get how I did that.

I was 7 y/o. I used to be that dominating kid in class (and bullying people. I kicked the guys that flirt me, I rant to the people that didn't puasa lol). I had this one guy friend that I have a crush on, we play marry everyday before our parents after school. He was with her sisters. Then his sister asked me, "when you grow up, would you going to marry him?" And I said no, I know the future is unpredictable. I don't understand how a 7y/o kid could think like this anyway.

Then my parents moved me to another school. And I guess I completely changed. I became more quiet and introvert since then. These times, I love to draw. I draw most of the times. I even play like I have a boutique by creating catalogs of dresses I draw. Hahaha

During my pre high school years, I started to discover all the html coding building websites and everything through blogging. I thought I would have no friends, and I don't like people, and my mom told me "you just need to be smart to please people". I'm still holding those words until now. During a camp ice breaking, the facilitator asked me what is the thing that you don't like, and my answer was "making friends". You know why I don't like people? Because no one cared about me. I'm that ugly uncool kid no one noticed. And people are just stupid and attention seeking.

Then I met few of my best friends which I shouldn't mention here because that would be very unfair hahahaha. You know, best friends are usually from high school, right? But overall my form 5 team are the coolest friends I'll ever met and will never meet anywhere else. Because we all were the girls team. Anyway we are the only form 5 class who took islamic studies + science stream. All of us didn't study for any exams so normally we fail every class and teachers keep scolding us and we still chill. We always do party like we didn't take islamic studies lol. I guess I'm one the kid which teachers think we were hopeless kids that doesn't have a future. But never underestimate a person, if that's not their passion or you don't help propels a kid's passion, they won't work for it.

I'm that person who will only going to study / learn something if I'm into it. So if I don't understand what the teacher is talking about, I won't care. There was one day, my science teacher saw me talking in class. And she called me to go in front of the board, and draw an eye. I drew the whole anatomy of an eye, and my teacher was shocked, like how did I remember it that she told my sister about it. (My sister was a replacement teacher whatever it is that month).

During my PMR, I learned to make videos. And during senior phase of high school, I started to learn music, I learned to play guitar, making some music arrangements and everything. I have my bestfriends as the team, we made music, we joined film making competitions, we joined music competitions, we created short films for fun. I didn't know I'm a bad influence friend or what but cool, I hope my kids would do what she loves rather than drowning in high school love. Basically no one was interested to me, that's why I was looking for some new skills. These years, I thought I could do everything, I thought I am one of the smartest kid. Narcissist at it's finest, right? Unfortunately I still have that trait now.

And my path continues to matriculation. I was hoping to get a foundation in Uniten or IIUM (both are private), since I took islamic studies and I wanted civil engineering. But my rezeki was to matriculation (free allowance! haha) and it was in Labuan. So I go get it. I kinda focus well here. Yet still I joined film contest and do a guitar performance during matric. Lol see what I'm working for something I was driven into. During my second semester, one of my lecturer asked me what I wanted to be, I said "civil engineer". Then he was like "lol you know civil engineer you have to get a high pointer. You don't deserve that" I was like lol challenge accepted then I was chosen as a Physics mentor to teach Physics to the friends. I also got 4.0. And finally I pursued my engineering study in the Top 1 Engineering University in Malaysia!!! Alhamdulillah.

4 years civil engineering studies. I think everything about me is improving by time.

There's so many things I've learned, never underestimate people, work for what you want, find new skills. Last year my high school "cool kid" gave me his number but nahhh I don't vibe with you. But funny how things changed right. He was the cool kids that only talk with the cool kids. Now he interested to me, the ugly one?

Because I'm serious in a relationship, I'm not into any. Now technically I'm kindaaaaaaaaaaaa in that scale of average to good looking. I wonder why am I so single. Likeeee, I'm perfecttt just not in the face. I mean jack of all trades and independent and smart. But yeah I'm still driven to improve myself, I hope my future husband is improving himself too. Because we'll be together at the right place right time. You know I will give you all the love I've kept for all these years. I hope you strive for your dreams. Or you could as well wait for me because I am very pleased to help you! We work for it together. And if you ever feel down or fall apart, one day I hope you'll make a comeback.

There are so many things left in this writing as I'm in rush to my sleeping time. I'm working tomorrow! As an engineer! I love how I'm good in art but an engineer at the same time. Like, I feel special.

Blessed to have my family especially my parents, they are the reason I'm here, they prayed for me everyday.

No matter the distance, we are only one prayer away.