I have been single for almost 20 years


There's nothing much special about being single for 20 years. Because there are still so many girls out there have the same situation like me. Even exceeding 20 years. I'm not sure how long would I stand being single. If you're saying I'm too ugly to get in a relationship, I think there's more people less attractive compared to me (serious talk) gets different types of boyfriends even for every single period. You can't judge much about look to be in a relationship.

Somehow, sometimes I've ever thought about having in a relationship. Of course in this age, I'm developing my maturity, I'm thinking about a serious relationship for marriage. Teachers during high school told us, us, me, you, us, every students, that during high school, being in a relationship doesn't makes sense. It won't be serious and won't go any further. Yes that's true. IMO, there are some people who managed to stay with their boy/girlfriend from high school until marriage, but there are too rare. And most of those couple don't go any further, I mean they didn't achieve their career. Maybe they never thought about career, job, future and dreams during high school. Honestly I've never heard about couple who is in a relationship from high school, then continuing to college, bachelor, and maybe until postgraduate. Let's just see until bachelor, are they going to their choice of studies, which is considered bright studies, like engineering or medical? Is there any of them? No, right? I'm pretty sure, once they're in bachelor, they'll meet various types of guys and girls that fits their taste.

Okay back to the main topic. What I am trying to say here is that yes there's no point to be in a relationship during high school if you have your own aim. Like mine, during high school, I wanted to be an engineer and develop the country and my own hometown while discovering different kinds of skills to discover what my real talent is. Lol

So okay. Now alhamdulillah I'm in my first year of my choice of study. Studying engineering in this university. I  have my own target, my own arrows too. However, thinking about what my teachers told us when I was in high school, seeing people here, people around me, girls around me having a relationship, considering my age and so on. I'm a girl. I'm a straight girl. I do have feelings.

But I don't exactly know how to be in a relationship. I don't want. I'm thinking about either how the hell should I let my 20 years of singleness caught by the guys that aren't perfect or why the hell should I be with those guys that is perfectly better than me that can get better girls that one day they might leave me and I'm gonna have ex. Those are two opposite shitty thoughts I am always having. I have few people who I have considered to fall for. Haha. But I think about those things again. I cancel thinking and living my current life. And continuing thought about why am I single.

Another thing that is always on my mind is,

why should I be in a relationship with this guy?

He has ex. He might had changed because of his ex without even knowing. Before this, he was a different person. He gave his true love to his first love because he believes that she was the one. He might sacrificed a lot. He might be the most romantic guy to that girl. But after their break up, his heart was really broken that made him changed. Now he becomes more careful and cautious. He don't sacrifice much for the new one. Because he afraid things will be the same. His love won't be the same again.
I just saw this in Twitter,

Your first love will always have a special place in your heart.

Oh that's painful. While I don't have any ex.

Or he might just wanted to be with me because he wanted to cure his pain.

Or he just need somebody. I'm afraid I'm not that somebody.


But I don't want the guy that never had experience in relationship. Because he might be one creepy guy that don't know how to express love.

Alright. Just sharing my overthinking mind. These are my actual problems to be in a relationship.

I believe I will end up to be in a relationship with someone. Because God made us with pair. That's essential of life.


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